Frustration
Two and a half Shekels?
I could dive through warm fugged spurious friendship and thus create mine own
A Groat or three?
Would be the firm glassed certainty of a light within the glow of witty lined spontaneity
A shimmy of Drachmas?
Would mean the comfort warm froth of sinking vicarious memories whilst planning new japes, laughs, lines, snatched kisses and alcoholic stupors
A featureless Yen or several?
Would be fresh air, caught smokeily breaths, sudden warmth and the taste of friends, fun girls and Best Bittersweet memories
A glimmer of Australian Dollars?
Would mind leap to possibilities and fate express delivered romance amid all that is good and left, quite frankly of Britain
At least a million Lire?
To hop into yeast risen admiring the late and great inspirers to all things human and decent, to quaff poet’s juice
A smeared Denarii or four?
To nostalgia immerse dip through lost ideas, failed chances, sighed loves and chink found arrows of regret comprising my very soul
A belligerent Rand or some?
Would barge, bang, boast, bore annoy me through one sipped and one sunk jar to nothing’s perfectly sigh thirstily home
Several thousands Pesetas?
To recall sun soaked memories of shy sun glass glances with the smile of lascivious eyes and eternal nights of froth-washed laughing sunrise
Pounds, Shillings and Sixpence?
To bring back the rain drenched, thatched roofed, warm fired and ale lubricated afternoon of candle lit claret and knowing smiled, wide eyed love.
How about a slate Guv?
Would toast far flung hero-bespattered faces that swooped over cross ridden English fields unthinking bravery
A glittering four Euros?
Would grin greet, reason pull converse into must be goings some considerably shaky hours later
But for two pounds fifty I would go to the pub
One has nothing one is remarkably similar
Philosophy
I have seen you
Emerald blaze, pout gashed, shimmer moon face sail over mediocre soul laden, watch crook eye glimpsing discomfort
Sprinkling Rapunzel tossed laughter seeds over never used furrows of swift growing bitterweed
Easy lured to misty eyed, another cocktailed memories of dreams past
Tinsel clad half lives tabloid soap cleaned from dark regrets of domestic sludge
You were the star of that Christmas party
I have talked to you
Pizza scalded, hand wafted mouths squeal laughing at shared foolhardiness
Eye lock dropped, topic scattered converse to heart warm, grey cell challenge my very soul
Perfectly seasoned, hand over oven slaved platters of unrecalled something angel garnished with courtesan eyes
Cigar pretence waft of assumed manhood met with fingernail stroked, bag retrieved, smiled nod of mutual waiter gestures
I have never met anyone like you
I have loved you
Coffee brandied jetsam passed, hand leading descent to cold sheeted gigglings, kickings, shrieking warm stillness, awareness, cohesion
Hair stroked moments with nature’s simplicity
Lip bite movements of feverish, duvet thrown, whisper shouted, star shattered moment of share id vision
The silence of sigh softened entwinement
Cigarette forgotten smile tunnel to slumber
I have never known anything like it
You have seen my heart shatter
Amidst sheet faced stutterings of delayed minute gasping, pharmacy blushing advice
During hand gripped, time defying seepings of blood and death crimson tiny cross
In wide eyed searchings of ulterior soaked, silent screamed judgements from missed express crashed paternal stirrings
Dropping off, guilt stared waiting, heartless accountant tolerance, face lining unspoken internal vacuuming
Concern heavy mutterings of recovery within ruined English afternoon pleasure
Nightgown shrouded sobbings of soul interrogation demanding solitary torment
In the midst of life there is death
I have lost you
Delayed call return
Solo insisted gatherings
Eye shied stumblings of incomprehension
Moonlit ceilings of silent awake, sheet mummified isolation
Plunging into tear flooded chasms of share ridden guilty justifications
Mercenary bespattered motives
Unspoken, immortal pithy outpourings of beer stupid inspired oration to somehow new seam beautiful laughed, deep cast love
‘There are plenty more fish in the sea’.
War?
If politics is verbal masturbation America is a rapist.
Yes, ear pricking what was that? mind numbing slowly reality of twin bash explode human carnage from absolutely nowhere.
We know; it hurts.
Brief flickered, world whole gasped, just possible hope from hell of clumsy giant introspection within the pounding relentless humanity till.
Hope?
No more African carnage, an end to all but slavery, a stop to brain washing children everywhere, enough of lucky dip billion armed lunatic dictators, the ditching of the money is everything religion, the start of peace?
Alas, sweet exotic tortured Afghanistan
You shall weep and weep again for your children
Even after the death streaked, hate missiled night never ending bomb filled fear, the new found devastation sun glinted day is full of careless dropped propaganda victory hero left deadly intent on young limbs and lives
Fools’ gold great democratic freedom slaughter seeking phantom of the CIA misinformation officer.
Hooray! Wave flag. Hussar! Show flag painted cheek to prime time camera
Gather ‘round folks, the all new Tepid War is here, genuine conflict biannual guaranteed
Red button distracted, new clever game beckoned never been barrage of lies, lies, lies
It’s not about oil; it’s about who’s in charge
Already advertised certain death posters of poor, poor weak diseased hunger stricken misunderstood waifs to be slandered, threatened, starved, bombed, invaded, shot, kill kill killed
Where does it all stop?
But what of proud, aloof Britannia?
The Daily Mailed middles demand Christian cruelty to heathen immigrants, convenience forgetting Jesus was a refugee
The equality schooled opportunity victims soap salacious slander salivate sneer at the universe bar one
The rich parade their ego syphilis addled psyches to fellow rich who daren’t and devoted haters
Consumer softened selfish armchair soldiers sing about greatness believing in all that is petty
And let the turkeys march against Christmas.
Bounce (Part One)
Self-inflicted, sort of, guilt driven doom nightmare room of torment and calendar ticked down knowledge to we all must die countenance; aged parents.
How many timed inadvertent descents denial promised as duck waddles to perceived Erowan.
Over confident father teeters upon low blood pressure edge, just the once, plummets into the black vacuity of downstairs cost cutting.
I was there to pick ‘em up.
Fragile delicate chrysalis of life promise so long self-righteous jack boot aim stamped just an alcoholic.
Nonetheless infant struggles within.
Abuse no more demanded arrival at gate beckoning cliff-beach-sea clash of forced nature whispers ‘why not?’ to a crowd of indifferent seagulls.
Far too late siren desperate ‘phone call rush to dive to leave me alone death of unilateral critique.
‘Bye ‘bye cruel world.
Desperate denial ridden re-hab at the mercy of bare tolerance near glimpsed nothingness beckons daily beguiling.
Season of charlatans and tottering will finally, doggedly, clutches at fulfillment.
Free.
Joy glowing shivering no matter amidst human neglect and indifferent dishonesty.
Potential domestic waft leaks from four bare walled womb of reincarnation.
Financial desolate hopeful future founded by incredulous green slip stare.
Future possible love suggested damn good one slowly grows to anniversary coincided delicate birth.
Manic stamina sapping month’s long embraced bonhomie spews forth shiny pretty thing.
Near year later autumn eve sun dappled Englishman’s castellation homes ecstatic little bunny.
Life is fantastic, thank you.
RELIEF
I need the finger ministrations of an erstwhile ballerina to engage the agonies, to urge the longed clicked breath whistling through machinery and paper towelled support
I long for those war head fingers that belie the jokes and mirror to hurt seek penetrate every knot, tear, crevasse and fire-zone as they seek and ease, seek and ease my pain lined face
I shall don my fluffy pink stoicism to avoid-eye await the relief warmed summons to pricey organic calm
I shall be chauffeured by Pathos through mind pounding, drill laden congestion to smoke fill the hand inspecting moments of anticipation
One morn will be the dawn of C - Day, cheer greeted with a duvet-warmed smile
Four morns from now, in four days nerve restraining tranquility will crash through scream covering half smiles
‘Till then wait I shall
I shall wait in the immortal nights, the rumbling creeping dawns, the caffeine washed, nicotine smeared morns, the beer dribbled tedium of hostelry afternoons, the ache infested mediocrity of box-lit evenings, those few nightmare twisted, sweat sprinkled, pillow wrestling hours and I shall wait in the pain
The pain that starts four years ago and ends in Hell
The pain that wince tangles all action into parody and grunts
I shall wait in the pain that wipes away all fear of death and vain-dream through running, laughing, loving, dreaming, smiling
In four days time I see my chiropractor.
Jude Redmond
COMFORT
Incense chill perfumed air and desperate whispered, finger kissed foreheads, coats and cold wood sense of ages past
Lino curl stamped entrances to candle lifted, elbow bowed, palm whiten nailed icon mirrored face the fear approaching world
The bastion of humanity
Amid prostrated powered, heaven launched trivia requests of hope, wonder, torment and fervour that unconscious rebound from epitaph carved walls
Echoed vows of broken chastity, water splashed shrieks of Christian heritage, best suit clad anticipation of wafer thin dissolve dogma and tear choked, black garbed sobs of irretrievable regret
All emotion is here
Those tedium stared, candle glazed images of fables past, the fourteen staged immortal journey, the flicker light sentineled, white clothed sway of reverence and the costume robed gaukily smiled reminders of innocence lost and missed forever
All beauty is here
Bell tolled countdown to dread and chant ridden expectation of excited fear, proud altruism, reading and singing prize of ability shared involvement
All performance is here
My sitting prompted, stick kneed, pulpit ascent to boredom focused attention
Prophet announced, psalm souled renderings of synod twisted belief soaked cries
Blank life hammered faces light the crash zone of feared failure
A voice is found between the wilderness of prepubescent coaching and hedonism scarred lungs
All participation is here
The rest a confusion of twittering hands, stolen giggles, shuffling procession and glanced notoriety
Thirst crafting enjoyment of anonymous faith donating, confident sang uplifting
Week facing smiles of duty freed afternoon to personal gluttony
It is good to sing at my church
SURPRISE
Window glared, Autumn goldened tree that shadows cat aimed descent to wind hoed beer lawns
Irritation rattled jar of selfish slammed, unclosed doors
Ignorance twittered tatter of tabloid misinformed sage clicks and whistles the brusque tuned radio
Freshed pulled clarity of hop yeasted promise to taste smiled cheers but no more
Smoked nostalgia dreams of match righted wrongs banal punctured by must be civilised, museum pieced locals
Then John arrived
Pleasant shocked entrance to all concerned
Round cheered toasts to good humoured sudden presence and city suited, all embraced generosity
Eye caught nodded assurance of focus intense, smiling familiar treated platitudes
Pint placed greetings of postcard soul trains that question export waist sized, suntan streaked, health club news
Swift remembered pre-responsibility belly laughs crossfire the years in shaken head recollection
How are you then?
Respect appraising eyes lock over many chinked pints of machismo drained, loving competition
Name searching, palm headed stories of unrepeatable adolescent giggled stupidities
Meaningful actionless, duty-bound expressions shake on non-contact numbers as last thing said comments resound the public space
Bad times forgotten, memory smudged face farewells the departing frame of well I never as not dissimilar, far flung friends spring tide
It is good seeing old mates
Jude Redmond.
COGITATION
Joy kissed eyes of cynical open mind
A beacon
Trembling full lips of vermilioned shade nibble beautiful perfection
What a smile
Hand crashed waves of tumbling stylist tresses stresses smooth lines, cliffs and glorious rock pool
She’s actually flirting
Twinkled eye clash of verbal fencing over mascara sniped pools of cunning intellect and side smirked crashings of doubted misogyny
She’s got a brain, she’s got a brain!
Confidence regained charm seeped half forgotten wit steers prey to drink bought, wooden barred battleground
Be sober and aware for once
Inquiry pushed aside pursuit of personal soul dam breaks outpourings of tabloid fed praetor insecurity
I feel special
Clear eyed invitation of dress searching relegates soul investigation to jacket searching mumblings
Who me?
Fear-joyed anticipation of dread stomach rollercoasters through possibilities as smile glanced platitudes trickle smooth the gulf of emotional spoof
Back to yours then
Open door warm smile of jacket discarded, nice music welcome to bare souled, sofa shared, drink free affirmation of things shame fill dreamed
Simple dress, smooth skin hand pulled offering of imagination soared, dream boggled, open mouthed worship of femenistic pantheism
Angst smashed night washed with soul rebounding tides of bloodrush, finger painted visions of Venus, hair chewed kisses of soul sweated love, arm wrapped atavistic shrieks of heart penetrated insitinct, pleasure mixed tides of hormone swept satisfaction
Morning smiled agreement of future planned spontaneous joys and happiness
Rainbow eyed dawning knowledge of small scamperings and interest rates
Utter mutuality and equality guaranteed
I can dream.
Jude Redmond.
H IS FOR HURT
The designer click of well tooled snakeskin announces uncertainty
Her entrance my heart
Blonde tossed imperious superiority casts discarded and of course answer awaits with deference
Nicotine lunged moments of attempted emotional avalanche repression fail to cover choking heart hyperventilation
No no not now not just when...
Inevitability knelled boot clumped echo of stomach sinking no choice introductions are drawn out over leaping eyed verbal fumbled pretend normality
Welcome gulped stumblings amidst pre-mass humane clutter force apart further contact leaving neck crunched glimpsing visions of unknowing curving back
Forgotten mass scrum of human duty free sweep barely sketched farewell into small change clinking bottleneck of at last plans
Just don’t heart stop falling falling...
Months later accidental chatting walking laughing chance swept gesture of time free for beer warmed nerve streaked first time emotional explorers
Smoked shared moments of empathy stories relax smile fall into doe eyed quiescence
Cross eyed head tossed shrieks of lunacy shared souls mock the afternoon away with simple unspoken known honesty
I knew she is perfect I knew I knew...
Disaster ridden drunken sulkiness shattered by real news hammer blow of road traffic carnage to hospital bound and twisted bones
Ignorance creeping worst scenarios battle love distorted optimism visions of hair stroking bitter cupped kissed visits to slow motioned skipping romance plunge into purgatory night of unwanted sleep
Drifting hours of joyful ward patience surf the path to deep wished final healing and terminal friendship
Pollen smothered cuddly toyed whatever hardy camouflage detonating minefields of pheromone bespattered love
I would walk five miles over broken glass on my knees merely to kiss her hand...
Semi-recovered evening of dope laced introductions to home art and style
Wine glimpsed images of shouting unknown genius gather round the fire of relaxed expressions from soul to especially you
Coquette betokened self tour insular demanded from the beloved pre-forgiven
Creation inspired swim of crushing insecurity is drug calmed into time swallowing soul contact
Chore passed sweep of absentminded goodbyes reality crash fantasy sheet invitations as the standard lamp blackout spreads
Lighter led path through unpractised see you soons
Go to your mother’s then...
Eternal business creating calls from the wrong person
Endless hope filled answerings of professional hidden hopeless crushing soul howling
Electronic crushed messages seeped with polite just above disinterested solicitude unanswered rebound through every fibre
Relief cascading stalkeresque proddings of burgeoning besotment provoke finally no effort hand of detached conversation
Wishings wonderings hopings clumsily concealed in fool gushing letters of romance smeared naivety
Eventual there you areings of tepid agreed best thing I can imagine invitation to whatever would make you laugh the way you do spins into countryside pleasures
Maybe just maybe she feels the same...
Confirmation call seconds minutes hours days overdue causes leaving of false calm message
Billion sweated palm much later call of altruism stained honesty meets the cold hard cynical clinical efficiency of one gag mimicry
Then she called I answered she hung up.
Jude Redmond
UNREQUITED
The designer click of well tooled snakeskin announces styled uncertainty
Her entrance, my heart
Blonde tossed imperious superiority cats discarded glances and of course answer awaits with deference
Nicotine lunged moments of attempted emotional avalanche repression fail to cover choking heart hyperventilation
No not now, please not now.
Inevitability knelled boot placed echo of stomach sinking no choice introductions are drawn out over leap eyed fumblings of pretence normality
Welcome gulped stumblings amidst pre mass humane clutter force apart further contact leaving neck crunch glimpsing visions of unknown curving back
Forgotten mass crunch of humane duty free sweep barely sketched farewell into small change clinking bottleneck of at last plans
Just don’t heart, stop falling falling failing.
Months later accidental chatting walking laughing chance swept gesture of time free for beer warmed nervous streaked first time emotional explorers
Smoked shared moments of empathy stories relax smile fall into welcome eyed quiescence
Cross eyed head tossed shrieks of lunacy recognised souls mock away the afternoon with simple honesty mutual
I knew she was perfect perfect wonderful.
Disaster ridden drunken sulkiness shattered by real news hammer blow of road traffic carnage to hospital bound bone twisted purgatory nigh unending seemed nagged sleeped nights ignorance creeping worst scenario, love distorted optimistic visions of hair stroking buttercupped kissed visits of slow motion skipped romance
Drifting hours of joy filled medical sterile patience surf toward final healing and fertile terminal friendship
Pollen smothered cuddly toyed tokens of whatever hardly camouflage detonating minefields of pheromone bespattered love
I would walk five miles on my knees over broken glass to kiss her hand.
Semi recovered evening of dope laced introductions to home, art and style
Wine glimpsed images of shouting unknown genius gather round the fire of relaxed hearted expressions from soul to especially you
Coquette betokened self tour insular demanded from the beloved already forgiven
Creation inspired swim of crushing insecurity is drug calmed into tides of time swallowing oneness
Chore passed sweep of absent minded goodbyes reality crash fantasy dugouts as the standard lamp blackout spreads lighter led path to unpractised see you soons
Go to your mother’s then.
Eternal business creating calls from the wrong person
Endless hope filled answerings of professional hidden hopeless crushing soul howling
Never ever ever returned electronic cursed steeped in feigned polite disinterested solicitude empty echo through every fibre
Relief cascading final stalkeresque proddings of burgeoning love provoke such an effort detached conversation
Wishings, wonderings, hopings clumsy concealed in fool gushing letters of romance stained naivety
Eventual there you ares of tepid agreed best thing for you invitation to anything that makes you laugh the way you do
Maybe, just maybe she feels the same.
Confirmation call seconds, minutes, hours, days overdue caused leaving of false calm yet another message
Billion sweated palm much later call of altruism soiled honesty meets with the cold, hard, cynical, clinical efficiency of one gag mimicry
She called, I answered, she hang up, that’s it then.
BETRAYAL
The silk lined smoothed tongued promise of easy, easy no problem gun money entice into unknowing vicious fraternal soul purchase
Unending white purring machine heralds mood lit glass bedecked car of family disintegration.
Temptation dangled keys of responsibility avarice arrogance persuade naive wanting hoping visions of kindness acceptance loving no potential dreams
There it is shrugged indifferent no choice speeches of impending illegal hinted riches shoulder charge into luxury lined sightings of break brake break endless expenditure
I’ll run you company for you.
Twenty four seven autocracy over waiting to break down stretched ridiculous false importance
Scar lined hours of never noticed new looked scrubbing, washing, chamoising, washing, polishing, forgive me environment spraying, finish touching eternal driver punter boss indifference.
Never mentioned told you so disaster shrunk profit calculations of violence lurking frown snarled demands to thankless slavings underlying protestations of vicious circle spiral plummeting.
Battered female analogy truth of tantrum close heart mind break personal rules smashed possibilities
Escape, run away, retreat, distance from horror, goodbye brother.
HOPELESSNESS
Rose tinted offer of compromise laden altruism bespattered false claimed quasi interest in our alleged future
Ignorance bedecked glorified prefab honeycombed torture of indifference to defeated Minotaur and vanishing unreeling Ariandne’s thread of knowledge
Energy lacking husks of possible people slouch over meaningless wisdom obvious beauty unthought career rescuing academe ropes from the bitter hollow of uselessness
Blank faces present banal non answers to questions simple as the brutal reality of reinforcement glut heavily crushes parental dreams, hopes, idealisms, aspirations and real world dimmed conceptions to vicarious illusions of immortality
Shock wave tumultuous explosion irony coincidence rape the same aged conscious buried memories of horrors past
Basement full numbers of rusty, dusty, cobweb bespangled filing cabinets from best forgotten stealth bomb present conscious
Is it really the twenty-third anniversary of nine year old wrong, do it again, wrong, do it again, wrong do it again weekly terror?
Scene of crime panoramic pornography meets every window glanced exasperation born, head tossed contempt reaction to rudeness, ignorance, petty small minded, ego centric soaked, spoilt bespattered, television hypnosis inspired verbal effluent
Emotion macabre o’erspilled bergens, reception farewelled burden down road to home, to swift sunset thought wincing to nightmare brink slipped sleep to chaos head alarmed sheet launch to yet more dread smeared personal Dickensian echoing consciousness
Reality power cut thoughts diminish into surreal agreeing, kow towing, praising thought mote scrawlings of inadequacy
Police cell tinted tainted mutterings of dusty wrongs, forgotten bruises and deliberate swift forgotten minutiae
Apathy inlaid platitudes outline Judas tainted litigation as prelude to apathy veined something done void
Libel swollen clouds of descending gloom cluster over realisation of today’s pointless reality checked, gameboyed, internet spoilt, book forgotten, persiflage wantonly ignored, knowledge indifferent, respect scorning little darlings, bless thems and complete la las
Incompetence supplied shamming shaman evangelising anarchic producing tolerance corrupted respect for semi developed quasi souls
Dyslexic, paralexic, behaviour problemed results of planless ecstatic wonderland desolve into another labour, cool Britannia bedlam
Fuse ripped eruption of too simmered rage instant diminish imploded brain juggled visions of what might have been and the twenty-three year cries unheard from the dread bedecked little boy
Dark sky rebounded evening thoughts of obvious behavioured schizoid grins day multiply remind of problems present
Last day irony of stale introductions, tardy and trains compliments and seen it all before whisperings of male deficiency
I’ll never work in a school again.
ANTICIPATION
At first the vision
Regular clock droned Sunday morn ritual of dread filled boredom, paranoid incontinence, faith kissed sagacity and probable humiliation
Coat discarded muted pleasantries, smiling noddings, glimpsed reading checked with semantics mime navigated, inadequate prayer brief mumbled instant pew hardening ennui demands curiosity hoped vision dart wanderings
Stun heart hammer sight shock of confident figure hugging dressed image of girl glanced mature femininity
But she is not the vision with whom she speaks.
The vision after whom never the same world loveliness defies word dexterity
She is because I can see the butterfly glint radiance shattering too amazed imaginings of a poor foolish poet, more than unknown
The alluring Isle an aisle away
Nerve imploded mutterings, terror drenched warblings last knee fluttered, pulpit gripped, blush jousted eternities of volunteer guilt public performance
Eyes never approached swift shambled exit past cursory priest thrown just politeness to comfort zoned softening familiarity of ale flourished confidence and confidant easy shared anecdotal humility.
Then the institutional dragged angel guilt judged motive ulterior altruism of surreal woken nightmare amidst rule vertical bends individually meaningless chairs, precocious halitosis, condescension sodden academic tenuous bubbles and impending dread
Lady killing intentions of swoon confidence sweeping charm to beauty smiled accepted invitations down Amorous Avenue are swamped, drowned, lost in memories of environment aged horror
That scream potential darkness nervous caution stepped, eye fretting, knee sweating journey home to busy passed, selfless stained, indifference viewed, your future musted hour of tome spat hall table
Humiliation drench apologetic stutterings plus vague truths to whomever
Deprived moment hours of busy vision, frustration fear abyss brinked, inane trod circles esteem plunging aide memoire macabre parable of homecoming philosophies leave confidence fled into black as stout laden legs, spirit loss plod to ale palliation airchair self rage musings
Weeks later sanity masked respray beckoning of default party invitation sparkles with vision there promise
Weeks long torment and lust smeared dreams to limb clenched, shout serendipity of sex dream rockets
Dread laced nervoused imaginings, disaster stacked, brief encountered moments of romantic simplicity beckon
She ignored me, I went home.
THE WIZARD OF B&H
The Good Witch of the North basks and basques in dignified beige brick nowhere dispensing vodka kleenexed outpourings with sincere sparkled empathy
Up shipped, one womaned war against cyber hobgoblins and foul fiends is laughed away in the spliff wand waved, head rocking laughter of self-mocking mirth
Pink bubble floating, munchkin hound beloved vision of bohemian beautied unreliable benevolence.
The Bad Witch of the East commands battalions of muted mumbling, grumblings performing pleasing rituals of divine possible laughing social soul humble bowings
Purgatory likened near eternal poison arched shrieks of in and out of favours, what they’re really likes and have you hearders wince inform enforced eave inflicted victims of love deprived depraved degradations and money worship resulting general atrocity
Meantime rescue puppy of Cerebus leaps and lollops, rolls and barks, shocks and worries the conversation impossibled, frown laden, drink protecting, lupine irrational fear awakened, prayer destroyed meek admirers of Bacchus Grove mellowness
All minions obey, fear, cower, insist contrive generosity while fear creep peering through petty unpredictable lightning cracked emotional squally favouritism Fishnet Race.
The Good Witch of the South quietly presides over love decorated, laughter plastered, understanding stripped and polished home to anyone and child shrieked joy echoed garden of remember that party nostalgia essenced, climbing frame and slide bestowed pocket handkerchief of ought to be cut timeless merriment
Her subjects comprise adoring children of all ages micro scooting to more ice cream please smiles, cigarette can clutched staggering, these days exclaiming loveable buffoons of avarice ignored individuality
The target of ageless there theres, well dones, poor yous, how terribles, keep goings, you’ll be fines and all empathy bowed declarations of oracle inspired simple life altruism.
The Wicked Witch of the West broods in downtown, toytown nothingness brewing man hate spells across sprawling steel gossamer, bespattered by ignorance rotted, tedious detailed accounts of so so much selfish avarice dishonest I have my rights
Sour faced princes of purity pop-eyed spellbound trip into virtual technology flickering lies of jingo jingle slavery, unaware of Mummy’s tragic trauma simmering tantrum interminably funding golf for that nice Mister Ebenezer Summons
Occasional broomstick charmed forays into writ carpet-bombed Humble Family Land to torture and take from the little child deprived, frown worry scarred justice victims bathed in tick clock watched, not long enough joy of parental legal laser treatment blasted communication stunted, Disney drowned precocious communion
Wall staining palpable poison mists over quiet hugging, graveyard faced polite underlings as she court appearance waif discards on designer wafted might call you exits through coaxing attendant, sweat shop clad, goggle boxed anyones to so many Voodoo pierced calls to make.
F(R)EINDSHIP
Where were you when I was a child?
Those moments fear stretched hours, plankton confidence, purple storm deepening dread of retribution smacked can’t even remember now pettiness, when a quick nip might well have helped
Occasion dreamed reality of summer swathed despite it all Railway Children happiness in freedom behaviour warmed green nowhere would have been perfect with champagne
Worry stained evenings of perfect behaviour shackled only smiles of muted bigotry learning deference whilst speculating on the talk and laugh potion liberally consumed with ambition aimed awe
And when I needed a neighbour on those tear water tortured nights for Snoopy and pillowed sleep impossible fretted leap panickings over beatings past, present and future where you there oh half bottle of Jacobite?
Those early spot stopped Smiths besmeared aeons of Juliet, Juliet do you exist Juliet? agonies lacked a certain escapist dulling, dampening and oft depressing snuffer of hormone fuelled esteem bungee jumping
Those me meaningless moon sighed nights of bad poetry ignorance innocent imaginings and slow motion recollection hand tossed sun sparkled world’s mostest indifferent beauty would have been easier with head clutched stupidity hammering bends after coma option.
Then we met
Sweet fluid essence that is all memory smile remembered laughs, loves, lascivious lunged calamities and no-one’s perfect back patted street vomitings and regret hangovers of lost friend, not talking anymore humiliations
The oh it was terrible recollections of eighteen yeared, how did I get home soul vision blurred laughing, hugging, kissing total befuddlement prior to war memorial defacing intestinal evacuation real memory
Fonzesque Raffles charmed first best man alleged performance stout refreshed memoire smile, the belly laughed lunacy of praise the Irish forgiving hugged hospitality
Pretension laden palm waved orderings of cough first quaffable rouge embraces smart suit clad palm pointed expectations to skyscraper supposed success and next day ‘phone faked husk voice of food poisoning.
You me and Charles can do anything
Cousin invited motorway travelled party at terribly-nice-to-meet-you’s with special iced cake and lovely patioed guzzling cheap red, Armitage Shanks snorted launching into present company maligned black out home dragged coffee frowned not good enough apologies
Last pleasured precious moment of able bodies merriment and self mock farce before tragedy of one pubbed self loathed agony grunted bigotry relearned disability descends unprotected into alcohol remained psyche Hiroshima
Experience hope dimmed expectation of other companied camaraderie rounds, blazing fire, ale clasping new founded friendship in jingo nudged memory interpretations
Never to be surpassed debutante thirty something debacle, crutch essential lurchings through endless wined why introductions and coke sniffed overheard management bannings from never go there again clubs
Promise me?
Every breath toasted, every wonder clinked optic of joy be faithfully mine through the angry oceans of others’ surprise spite, inner peace outsider bets of domestic really happy, the phrase ironic full head not saying nodded femme fatale farewells and English unbespoken Shakespearean sayings of faith filled social bravery
I shall never leave you despite poster bold desperate clamourings of wrong church bell air raid panic dire soaked warnings against consumerism be fucked rouge tasting non attendance at the evangelical stenched gym that does not make you immortal.
TRANSIENCE
She was quiet, possible shyly dull nice smiled did not say much and was impossibly beautiful
Oft history murmured attraction alluded to cousin beauty when disaster drenched lasted latest traumas occur
Birthday belched occurrence of tasteless lit cheap beered financial sleaze scenes entrance of perfect perfection Pocohantas with irony bedazzling smile
Location traversed glow of pure style explodes into muted eyes not looking other conversations, correct politick vibe fanfares and flash smiles winningly
Vesuvius black hand swept fluid plunge shined hair sets off understatement styled mouth dropped top skirt hugging erotica silent showing look at the feature blush bestowed subtle bedecked porcelain purred lip tinted bewitchment
Allure cheekbone carved testosterone target is besmothered by self elected suspicion kommandant and socially withers in the safe corner pressed chaperone boundary drawn dreary drone impels me to left overt dextrous runnings out of deaf communication and right just boring person
Reality breathed must go eye blank indifference farewells glimpse puddle kicked, hand pocketed self whimsical smiled mellow lampost jazz meandering home romantic hopeless musings
She was so beautiful.
Hangover soft sincere Sunday breasted invitation to another pub mystery impudent pokes imaginary fingers into beer bearable fools forsaken quiet potential barman chats over nothing much
Raw bespat trepidous burst into Sunday semi relaxed roast assured smug know everyones and colossal round reactionary spotting of near vacancy to Diva and child?
Jean setting rising of lower back, thong framed incredible sculpture begging flesh
Deliberate doubted physical beneficence goes unmentioned in middle class deference to morals past and present surprise voyeurism
Single child laden indescribable glow eyed locks tossed glee belies London train tomorrow real life monotony for Venus in all too short eyed met moments of time stopped bliss
Nothing meant cheek kissed goodbyes this is life banality smacked of just my poet horoscope laughing possible train return to trained normality
I watched her go with a resigned smile.
RELAX
I have cigarettes and tobacco
How thy tormentors annoy with angst snapped lighting of hypocrisy fouled transparent self motivated petty health fascist just leave me alone bigotry
Ironic them and us synonym from do you know who I am allowance to rain neck hugged cradlings of that blessed ten minutes of fake feel free humanity
Every wonderful occasion enhancer, every disaster only companion of so, so many monochrome weepy type downpour drench smoked journeys home
Don’t these people know that everything is too wet without one?
I have two bottles of wine
I can gaze longingly into your ruby fireworked candle refractions of promise bearing stress soothed shoulder slumped comfort and beauty at least until the bottle is finished
Besides; the sheer terror of trade oil motive and just bloody revenge war torn society viciously feeds at the evil swollen teats of dishonest, mercenary insular consumer milk dripping hand discarded drops of vital sustenance to far flung ebony face eye shine smile purgatory means that I’m glad I am an alcoholic anyway
But it is the stories, the five pint bonhomie bacchanalian back slapped tales of desert legioned, Queen snogged, Everest scaled and all on horseback splendid scurrilous veracity unhindered hilarity beer spilled ultimate entertainment unique bullshit
And whilst alone head smoked strokes of scintillating synapse there you nows induce womb recalling soft environment simple peace
What was the first miracle? I’m with Jesus.
I have plenty of Skunk and Pink Floyd is playing
Never to be surpassed everything meaningfulness clasped endless moments of self, world, neighbour, wasp shared oneness and guru isolation sweet feelings the colours of the music sweep sensation floating calm belie the ability to pour a glass of wine and light another
Hair trigger guilt bypassed with cunning speckled bold Prince Harry to guard against all vicarious, of course friend angst but emergency calls
‘The only thing wrong with cannabis is the people who refuse to smoke it!’ as I lull in small pleasure semi banned softness and psyche charm there are but two need to hold remember action thoughts;
Tomorrow is Giro day and I have not a care in the world tonight.
AMBER
Dear sweet girl shimmering flesh real awakenings of childhood wished accomplishment glitter hoped aspiration to parental potential prided self promotion
Peter Pan piped onyx eyed blonde cupped capped cupid dimpled thumb in mouth beauty visioned smile of whatever adult fun stupidity ignored pixie foraging laughing laps that beckon sweetie tokens from bespellbound captivated innocent whatever happened to the world social worker terrified happy chaperones
Pub goddess extrodinaire fairy wafting expletive hushed criminal classed adoration without even knowing
Gentle financial corseted hawk love eyed mother glows with scriptural something special glory and perfect child ephemeral only explained magic.
Father deserted sleep nightmare drained husk of thumb mouthed coal eyed bewilderment and cartoon understanding seeking unanswered below alcohol clasped adult unfeeling burbling
Endless unsought finger flex twisted gushings with satellite link daddy empty echo in the sudden acreage of heart gulped wood floor insisted memories
Hollow eyed communion through constant wine sipped not daring a word suspects guilty of not knowing guilt minefield true compassion and hope sown audience to virtual reality daddies
Ceiling stared insomnia unshared nights of silent suffering with tear stuck Beanney Baby emotion hid eyrie few year past blurred visions showing slow motion small person happiness forever lost
No patronising adult understood descent into my parents too banality bleaching of playground cred individuality and serf bowed attention.
Mum hugged Dunkirk spirit lifted denizen of all that is jolly close collapse kitchen table stalks the unwary ongoing sympathetic pub pilgrims for smile curled board and sympathy worry frowned impressionable delight of our hearts wisp bounce through private emotional hoops on empathy elastic come to we who are here
Months later sincere whooped joy of life reconciled numerous quasi uncle beloved bestower of all things impenetrably young and cynical quashed
At nine years she has passed her first life exam.
TRUTH
The unborn clutch of plankton potential person knows nothing about silver spooned lottery statistic glamour of tragedy free self inflicted counsellor requiring so called success
The many celled stirrings to self and awareness has no concept of famine wrecked, disease endemic rout ruination, colonial spawned bigoted violence, survival wondered joy of merely being community cosseted beloved
A puppy struggling everything available warm wrapped newborn is environment ignorant to pecuniary efficiency stainless steeled indifference with litigation aware smile or the tent marqueed spectacle of medicine unthought communal anxious instant first aider audience marvel at the new statistic in a Red Cross memo
That joyous meaningless grubby smiled first word could be in respectability tree dappled twilight of what will they think emotional Stalag or the war torn can talk now evening fires of curfew hoarded half relax company genuine delight for proud mother for all the child knows
Where does the hatred come from?
Not just the world turmoiled frantic industrialised propaganda gossamer excused butchering of young men, women, children, innocence and premature aged but also the day to day pure unadulterated thought free ignorance grabbed bigotry of someone you do not even know hatred
Something must happen to produce religion taunted charismatic abuse of everything wise men say xenophobia and frowned loin girth girded resolve of political lie gullible atrocity mainlining young men
Because sweat shop high street shopped tantrum demanded clad school disappointment stress fountain growing director knows nothing about his same aged outnumberings who silent wide eye aware of danger imminent muted ebony relief smiles at any food, shelter, respite?
Because knowledge science history rich boredom propaganda fear lock museum fake dusted founts of a nation feeds survival satiated, intellect starved, ennui ridden children with synapse calorie controlled dishonesty and rules for bad behaviour celebrity specked stained jealous avarice?
I blame the Government.
I blame the everlasting truth specious speeches that prolong century dusty, atrocity cobwebbed original mistake and the Medusa headed disasters of error constant stamped ghosting continual burial fallibility past, present, future
Wrongdoing may breed disbelieve shock bewildered anger, sensible barred stress emotion unreasonable rage, wild eyed nonsense shoutings leading to soap oiled decades lone long feud or be loving laugh empathy compassion shrug forgotten
Palpable spun glossed martinets assure and deny any possible error or our ability to ask, question, dissemble all of the war corruption misery drudgery first sip grimaced rejected vat of humanity
What wonder then the mean faced, soul twisted denizens of consumer shallowed capital twisted insularity embittered small mattered hoards of parking restriction incensed ignorers no pity billion plus supalow calorie diet, not real beggar Daily Mailed delivery on topic denounced bigotry filled bottle neck regurgitation of truth dizzy spin and me dumbed down self deception
Multiple channelled cyber celebrated billions audience pumped banality introspection to product craved insecurity guilt tantrum available in all reputable stores, allegedly.
Age born wisdom expletive dismissed modern technology of yuff ignorance muddlement anger violence why did we bother crime fear inheritance for utopia chasing soul exhaustion sufferers
Tabloid periodical seductive sinned media denouncing airsprayed visions of impossible physical perfection fail to string coherence to the delight of own language stumbled education peasants jingo feared foreign rejection rabble
Truth laden Dylan, Lennon, Zappa, Harrison truths ether wither DDT infected by meaningless once heard hummed ditties of buy this now not needing everywhere heard water torture
Heart hardened unmentioned glittering carrot of grey dot breasts betwinkled, make up perfect still fake beauty torments hormone flushed sponge brain impressionables desperate for parent angst ammunition and self promoting quasi hardship depression dependency disappointment blaming anyone but me.
Forty something realisation of financial wedded company spider feared pounce and lie seen encroached baldness, corpulence awareness, corporation encircled dependence on office functioning credit card bargaining in good area no hope nothing
Ignorance burned spoilt distrust smeared former allies stare in snow billowed disbelief at riches hardly imagined antagonism and lie repeated stupidity apparent demi truth individuality rejected insistence on white Anglo Saxon parody benites vast majority democracy demean laughed aristocracy demanded slavery for the sake of cheap jeans and perpetual arms deals
Daily houred news harping on other placed disgraced mayhem murder feeble excused bombing of hate mailed them subjects far below television conned revenge bellowing affluent few demanding kill the poor
Forgiveness forgotten spite sectarian sprayed hate promotes weapons resounding reincarnation with Technicolor tipped retribution against assumed sins and knowledge void deathly attacks on anyone different.
Care you nothing audience of world suffering ignoring handy recipe bewitch hypnotised guilt victims offering too little too late environment twisting fiscal necessity of commute reality unhappiness disintegration
Own organic thirsting supermarket bespelled paragon of consumer virtue snaps sale items Stuka dives discounts and carrion drooling vulture frequent charity shop visits whilst remaining secret terminal embarrassment silent cremation respectability
Whimpering spawn of golf club success whinge stamp demands that so crucial nose job for the credit card glance certainly sir sum of one year’s clean water hope clenching need of a somewhere village
Perfect potential aspired cold eyed secular bedazzling magpies inform insist declare the criminality of their blind drawn dared depravity being copied by common people
Politicians verbally masturbate, union leaders guttural cliché, religious leaders cassock stumble vague irrelevant idealism, presidents donkey pin decide next non waspish poor war zone, soap opera brain bleached multitudes see only themselves through spy glass distortion vision limited parking outrage as self styled oracles.
All orbit fitfully as half the world starves and dies in who cares poverty.
HOW?
It was months, sixteen in all, of pain, agony, unrelenting stick spine shrieked everything I fucking do hurts
A long time to wallow in the endless empathy void voicings, opinions, pure bigotries of ignorance prattling propaganda puritans, Church of Autonomy
Sleep no worry coma coincidence timed lifestyle simple movement minimal massive imbibation of earth pain killing intoxicant and analogy saviour warm aroma toasted amid smoke thank offering wreathed candles
People tried scenario bending eye avoiding insistence on pint kindness some sly answer call steal from friendship search useless view, many tutt stare not really care with respect silence timed before real gossip compassion further soap bleached in toto judgement and karma unmentioned silence but a few understood
Self styled christian guilt slap face attitudes require constant emotional turn cheeked shake headed thin smiled sober seething, pint craved moments of down nosed look spear piety
Then it happened.
Miracle of mind joy expanding horizons binocular exploded able bodied all of a sudden dance, dance danced stick jilted mum hugged, dad hugged I don’t know whys and whoops to I’d best sit down now toe moving joyous bewilderment
Shock stun shun of other’s frown puckered, palm flummoxed non comprende trapped nerved cliché chirped in bar leant easy assumed instant expertised the notice not even negotiated insular absolute absorbed
Fecund friends fortunate wonder clasped shoulder finger danced shrieks of genuine joy mouth agape eye saucered utter incredulity
I was the most hugged man in Christendom.
Carcinogenic envy bloating whispered Shylock tuttings over public income and occasional hand out due to correct form explanation lacking, doctor shrugging psychosomatic suggested miracle
Employment edge nudge nudged creeping feet crowding vicarious guilt immediately inappropriates strength hop skip jaunty angled swagger through new life blossoming never before idyllic summer thirty lie promised years longing reality
Gushing stuck record sympathy from the pompous turns to cynical mickey finned veneer polite relative health table turned comprehension incapable away shufflings and platitudes
Still frequent absent friend bumped olds update with real thanked feelings love seeped, cherished always remembered smile cracked faces of fun and any excuse humoured debauchery.
Honeymoon balmy indian summer stretched blissful happening has to face autumn fierce winds of life changed forever again tentative steps into unimagined future fiscal inflicted other people’s real life
Touchstone jestered foolery only optioned role of assumed fakery and devil’s own quackery just lace twitched tolerance dances through a land soul graffitied by magazine spun excuses for innocent blood spattered, blame abortioned hierarchy of tabloid glossed misery, miraculous imagination replaced by microwave TV dinner prejudice.
There are two sides to everything.
VANESSA
Luminescence becrowned glory stalk stamp subdues, sparkling spirit snuffed waif husk butterfly life stumblings, world protection bunches, raincoat snuggled almost misses first meet of fraternal life long humanity advocate
Front line emotional bravery insists walk through crowded bar Take Two to vague spotting and warmth volume twisting introductions of cross pollinated family coincidence heredity obsessed cousin wide embraced assignations
Empathy immediate sibling love greenhouse miracle blooms into eye known mystical always known
Time emigrated rounds and laughter melt into perfect evening psyche glowed chest scribbled attempted replay business card read smiles of possibility groped faith.
Years forged forgiving souled ‘just you’ acceptance leads to hysterical encircled nights of debauched loo seat sniffed drugged gay clubbed outrageous pranks
But always together anytime ‘phone calls, whatever situation however stupid honesty stutter growing assured no matter what together real love cathedral overtowers flaccid mercenary monuments of mediocrity soap sudded tedium called normal friendship.
Success giddy ascent never seduced publicity paragon lascivious looked untouchable skips through avarice arrogant designer differenceless money, money, money mediocrity of false manliness and thrives
No legged garrulous gratitude non neglected occasional thank you grumped old friend regular pixie perfumed laugh spangled telling ticking off visits of smile memoried Dot Com Girl exploding still success.
Old pal remained stilled sighing nights everyone else’s fault whined evenings of wine dope love largessed poor thinged tolerance to similar success lacked shirt tailed good thing hitch hikers
Enforced maidenhood trust raped survived tomb raider of man depravity experience cautious steps through politick strangled world overrun by honesty wimps and false Lotharios
Work soiled fiscal lie dented armour slip shrug sign disappears showing not a bit on danger mascara blinked naughty growing smile what the hell suggestion of another wine sipped laugh sloshed bed achieved never again hoped nights
Fun cheer kissed compassion angel, promise to never change.
OH DEAR!
I am America
I am better than you all
I have limousines and plastic surgery
I have given you prenuptial agreements, MacDonalds, organised crime, extreme religious pseudo morality, Budweiser and Jerry Springer
Our million dollar films are the most violent, offensive, sexist and pointless in the world and I am proud of that
I know how to govern for the few
Just look at those Indians, I killed over thirty-two million you know
As for the slaves; they are still subjugated
I am America and I rule the world
If you are not white and rich I’ll probably bomb ya!
We are the rest of the world
I am the poorly educated, the worst bullied, ugly, slow, now homeless, never saw them anyway orphan, video shop doorway admirer of grubby window vague vision Hollywood thigh
I am the poor African farmer, Vatican decreed large undersize AIDS family, constant frown failed crop growing despair death creeping subject of Dollar bribed, limousine guarded driven democratic beneficiary of ‘Aid’
I am the poor young Muslim man, swelled insult bloated to give me a gun, bomb, grenade, whatever Jihad against ignorance greed swollen, Christian charlatan revenge bomb hate, oil thieving Americans
I am the European small big worried sole trader in hinter no man’s land of despotic trade, stupidity sanity nowhere arms war thrust upon the unable to discuss tribes
I am the Palestinian mother, two son bereft from our constant attacked tents so far from home tank years away, F16 sound knowing, cowering, hoping expert of hope lost mind benumbed Purgatory
I am the heroin Moscow tenement teenager with no choice future of drugs, crime, depravation slow early death just like they have in America
Could we have some peace? Please?
MUM
Child ‘photo constant stirred memory of scent warm hugged smile scolding cornucopia bestowing food, wisdom, love to all and underfoot
How many piano lesson tinkle irony, oh I laugh too, moments of sepia past unbeknownst joy?
How many spittle angel healing tissue wiped away tears cathartic now mum’s here safety against the monster scary playground foe?
How many candle softened wish urging, smiling, loving, everything is yours faces have confident inspired to lung heroic acts of all laughing foolery gifted fun?
How much that is insipid, selfish, victim sought chicanery adolescence was swallowed, endured, sighed near regretted slam pout bullshitted its way before your eye?
How many sorrys, I didn’t mean its, don’t worrys, I forgive yous and I love yous have been torment ended whispered in your shabby gentility due to sons, antique genuine glinting hallway?
How long did it take to realise that you are the bastion lighthouse beaming infinite eternal unconditional love to all and underfoot including potential prat poison gutter glimpsing pathetic begged I, the free lodger?
Now illness strikes the impenetrable indispensable heart, cutting cancer words of woman internal desecration dread chair dropping age immediate doom
Sudden old fragile waif op veteran weeping wraith shadow still upbearing to stoic smiled relapse and reception recognised hospital drill and pain
Lack of maternal love chasm bursts fear unfathomable and future desert constant hanky hunting blinking remembering.
Don’t leave us yet.
DAD
Uncle Bill to the world, gentle selfless smiled sanguine Leviathan of dignity I honour to call Pops
Wartime heroism streaked soul of Arthurian gallantry, Biggles bravery, Pooh like honesty, Clausesque generosity and that wicked eye sparkle I still see
Green fingered creator of patio bloom, all things loving manna messenger for myriad chirping squawking feathered foolery, tolerant to scamper darting tree rodent shimmering acrobats and generous gestured tomatoes supplier to all
Giggle greeted Granddad to far more than kin, constant immediate babe glisten eyed little shoulder laugh producer of even spontaneous tail wagged approval
Master of carpentry, librarian of Life University, unbigoted mind mine of golden information, kind sincere inquisitor of foolish boyhood dreamings, courtly paragon of mate admired English civility, anti-teenaged angst stalwart and gentleman.
If I achieve a fraction of my Father’s honour;
I have achieved.
BAD JON
Friend's friend happenstance encounter, ale lubricated hours begged borrowed or stolen afternoon of lounge bar revolutionaries’ frivolous revelry
Consumerist diluted lager guzzling, fascist brand cigarette girlie puffing, cliché mobile texting waving buzzing, self promoting person; seemingly
Conceited fool that I am similarly tepid assessed though round joyously flowing lounge defined laughter condemns such silly judgement
Imploding disaster exploded shock stuns social circle to eye wide dumb silence, wave washed with the heart rending echoing sobs of Madonna and child deserted
To swatted butterfly souled lone everything he becomes friend shoulder console bewept lover, gentle empathetic laughable kind eyed companion, financial rock new foundation stone beloved hearth home life and real love quest destination
To coal eyed babe he becomes hug reassuring, juvenile joke sharing, tickle giggling, new gadget understanding, time beneficent upgraded dad
To us all he remains versatile beer company, empathy understanding wisdom, known eternal altruism, communications switchboard of mirth and proud to know
With alleged equivalent tackle, what more could a lady need?
LOSS
To lose a friend
Is to lose always welcome smiled whatever acceptance to drink bought sincere eye altruistic inquiry
Gone has sparkle look hug warmth of thank God you’re heres and you would not believes shock spangled wine drenched disclosures
No more are neat beard wiped, cravat glinted, throaty chuckled reality extrapolate stories of bizarre derring do ironic, Flashman style sottery to laughter barrage hostelry ceilings
To lose a sister
Is to lose soulmate whispered honesties, unmentionable salacious soaring scandals over hours wired dialogue fuelled by Chateau Prolix
No more are sofa champagne shared giggle moments of disaster fled loving bolt hole soul to soul soliloquies
Gone has favourite party animal accidental form invite bespelling glorious fun dust over the dullest, most pretentious, twit laden, music dirged most funny parties we’ve ever been to
To lose an uncle
Is to lose a lifelong pal, a beer erudite foil, a beacon of chivalry, an oasis of self deprecation, as aspirational soul, my mate
Past are pretension barred polite reigning booze launched lunches with mediocrity spared joy filled nephew respecting life teachers
No longer with me is that style colossus love reaching inspirational man of decent cunning, sharp selflessness and unquestioning loyalty
To lose all feels like it.
DEALER
The lure has lulled for low grade henna hemp hah-hah evenings of pleasant brain feather lined hammered eurohash beloved bewilderment
Pan Puck whispered introduction imp arrival displays stoned path selection of fresh buzz inspiring grass to awakened intellect impact as standard
Grateful impish guest to pre whatever spontaneous bottle emptying sunset shaded sparkling composed anarchic agreements of immobility
Sincere shrinking welcome to chez Bloke stupid inspires sun simpled ale sipped early evening soul dizziness
Memory firework sputter fragments hedonistic gluttony to pain panic stutter consciousness and bewilderment accomplished home going
Arbitration pouring embarrassment stain removing Bloke recalls, recounts, reinvents actions from hinter me
No matter regular smile swiped urban prozac given genuine greeted mutual support of life sedative
God bless all dope dealers.
War?
If politics is verbal masturbation America is a rapist. Yes, ear pricking what was that? mind numbing slowly reality of twin bash explode human carnage from absolutely nowhere. We know; it hurts. Brief flickered, world whole gasped, just possible hope from hell of clumsy giant introspection within the pounding relentless humanity till.
Hope?
No more African carnage, an end to all but slavery, a stop to brain washing children everywhere, enough of lucky dip billion armed lunatic dictators, the ditching of the money is everything religion, the start of peace? Alas, sweet exotic tortured Afghanistan You shall weep and weep again for your children Even after the death streaked, hate missiled night never ending bomb filled fear, the new found devastation sun glinted day is full of careless dropped propaganda victory hero left deadly intent on young limbs and lives Fools’ gold great democratic freedom slaughter seeking phantom of the CIA misinformation officer. Hooray! Wave flag. Hussar! Show flag painted cheek to prime time camera Gather ‘round folks, the all new Tepid War is here, genuine conflict biannual guaranteed Red button distracted, new clever game beckoned never been barrage of lies, lies, lies It’s not about oil; it’s about who’s in charge Already advertised certain death posters of poor, poor weak diseased hunger stricken misunderstood waifs to be slandered, threatened, starved, bombed, invaded, shot, kill kill killed Where does it all stop? But what of proud, aloof Britannia? The Daily Mailed middles demand Christian cruelty to heathen immigrants, convenience forgetting Jesus was a refugee The equality schooled opportunity victims soap salacious slander salivate sneer at the universe bar one The rich parade their ego syphilis addled psyches to fellow rich who daren’t and devoted haters Consumer softened selfish armchair soldiers sing about greatness believing in all that is petty And let the turkeys march against Christmas.
Jude Redmond.
RUBY
Dear sweet girl shimmering flesh real awakenings of childhood wished accomplishment glitter hoped aspiration to parental potential prided self promotion Peter Pan piped onyx eyed blonde cupped capped cupid dimpled thumb in mouth beauty visioned smile of whatever adult fun stupidity ignored pixie foraging laughing laps that beckon sweetie tokens from bespellbound captivated innocent whatever happened to the world social worker terrified happy chaperones Pub goddess extrodinaire fairy wafting expletive hushed criminal classed adoration without even knowing Gentle financial corseted hawk love eyed mother glows with scriptural something special glory and perfect child ephemeral only explained magic. Sudden shock awakening alarm from playground flung world of parental dreaded, envelope imparted soul sinking, eye meet beseeching dread C word shrivelled future Thumb sucked pillow palliative placebo hugged, kitten hopeless help held nights house disquiet awaiting impending patronising news of all that hospital television stuff and the vista over not so vicarious bereavement Plastic chairs sizes too big, fluorescent polystyrene aerial patterns Endless monotone telephone calls, mum weary preying mantis over this piece of paper and that, watched by ever shrinking, ever sad eyed softly spoken loving dying Daddy Mum hugged bruised noire bedecked coal eyed waif, so brave so beautiful tear dam opening talkative semi orphan Blitz brick stalwart sincere welcomes new loving, laughing fresh house Mum smiling man like Dad Soon smooth return to accepted nuclear happiness, occasional smile fading photograph still revered, loved missed
But life goes on for a nine year old.
DUBLIN
Parental prodding prompted gift wisdom guessed of emotion depleted flight to soul replenishing Liffy reservoir Leave behind the brother provoked narcotic nastiness and gore, the wither apparent parents parade saluting not dead yet and BUPA, the middle class misery epidemic transmitted by others’ sincere suffering Escape from tabloid universal bigotry, war mongered butchery by jaw tilled Junior, they’re all foreigners hatred from smug comfortable glazed quasi Normans Flying to glorious Guinness pal infused world of smile eyed welcomes, artifice undiscovered, pretension postponed, honest promised hospitality A land of nectar by the pint, family love by the quart, immediate warmth by the community and tolerance by the masses A family non judgmental deep compassioned, a community moved to compassion, everyone not blaming intrinsic English egg chasing loyalty Join the fun quest crusade to bar hand thumbed spontaneous hilarity of genuine souled finders, Holy Grailed in truth Laughter unending with the gloriously open minded kareoke babes beckoning to self induced indiscretion of drink taken much hugged freedom Friendly expletive exploded pure acceptance of the mooching pox that I am amongst the love joyously entangled quartet whom I love Soul replenished, refilled, refuelled, catharsis depleted return to rain, trains, delays and acceptance misery.
I love Dublin.
CONS & NOT PROSE
Against; sit stare surrounded by empty cans, used bottles, old vinyl, the small room cramped detritus of a life accidental spawned to mensa optimism esteemed potential that crash burn failed everyone Daily fretted vista choice between garret insularity dust fly blown alcoholic cradle, and age life fate shoulder stooping ration minded last frail dwindling days of soul beloved parents Those familial ignorance guided inquisitions accusing debauchery, indolence, causing worry in green tinted transparent transference That pseudo friend gossip stirred whisper crescendo cresting to truth trashed cannon leapt presumptions about man trying to be himself Surrounded by vandalised this, torched that, the easy touched villainy undented by non-existent police ability, fearing once cried for anarchy In a world blunderbuss bullied into accepting lie believing tabloid tainted cheering triumph of yet more dead people, dead children, dead Arabs, murdered by that brutality defined self hating hyper power For; those far flung dreams eventual success published money enslaved and get the girl normality Eternal faith bolstered soul reaching, groping, searching occasional grasped understanding of what life has always been The ongoing support from Brothers Alcohol and Cannabis, soul soothing, emotion massaging, spirit succumbing to pain freed, ego respected, reality lost abandonment. It’s hard staying sane in a mad world.
BINNED
True kind hulking friend of a building kindly bestowing ale and all to succour needy folk Favoured barstool found ale seeking eye holds sharp blue gaze in new encounter embarrassed splutter stutter simple phrase blushed sudden stupidity Humble look blinked foggy vista of volcano pool eyes blonde swung jawline profile and woman glorious figure Over idle afternoon spent inadvertent gaze admire not scare visual tennis with new found siren of all things alcoholic aesthetic anaesthetic Oft admired veritable wench in egalitarian times presides over manytime venue of heart rendering grief stricken, solicitor enriching nineteenth hole chuckling, love ruined to hate, drink lubricated sorrow wry through woe tales Another ale anchored afternoon of old mate nostalgia sozzled smile sudden freezes with blasé gestured availability announcement to all and me Later self examination reveals pit of inadequacy alcoholic penury serfdom through complete future aspiration possibility hope lack imposing ask out impossibility Hopeless lovely watching ensues fiscal intermittent to gaze admire hope dream fantasise over changeling beauty publican till torture lazed ignore treatment not a stone’s throw tells true to this trembling heart Still serving still smiling servant sweetheart to all terrible thirsty, never eye meet ever Stirling taking exchanging brain transference fuel to unknowing genius aspiring fools. Thank you.
Dear George W,
Why oh why oh why Have expert vocationaled knowing sorts asked for more time in vain? Have lies lies lies been repetition quasi proven across governments media anyone who purports to tell the truth? Why is a country withered by drought war sanctions constant endless everyday bombing targeted as evil for more more children to die in the false name of freedom? When will the democracy pouring filth oil stained lucre arrive to mock assist cold was front line veterans with cynical gened aid ambivalence exported Los Angeles gun toting Muslim without Hollywood understanding? Are half the world starving only three billion suffering due to Western greed stupidity bigotry close minded attitudes defying any thought of equality love decency forgiveness tolerance understanding acceptance or Jesus? Why do we take any heed of your ignorance and crass stupidity? Because someone makes money?
DEATH?
Morning is nightmare gasp already forgotten smear eye focus on filthy ceiling alone damp sweat smothered hangover awaiting laughable piece of evolutionary detritus It’s me again Curtain thinness cursed gropings fumblings cigarette lighter ashtray swear dropped first thing corporate drug moments of reflection viz what am I dreading today? Stub stubs stubbed into action creak neck groaned duvet fling weakly daily shift to semi vertical hangover seeking That’s strange Nonetheless tottering curtain drawn wincing in donned morning rags as a penniless alcoholic Sober reality mid hours chore bore mounting inevitable invasion exasperation unfair as third vote member of equality family community Duty done diminishing sprint to anonymity normality no-one not eye contact fellow traveller in progressive world so happy and fulfilled Deliberate verdant guided mini tour of immediate environ pauses at smile recognised comedy quick skit alcohol ‘bye waved purchase Drink and literature cocktail overlooking wild bird dramatic creature action captivates enhances can glass meeting repetitious afternoons dreaming of pubs, bars, model filled wine bars requiring money small unspoken detail Evening check of all rights? any helps? want a hands? and parental awareness clears the way for distilled joy, illegal grown perfect conflagration Sphere music backgrounded depth inner voyage to bliss curtailed by promises of tomorrow duties, pledges, outreach heart altruisms that I must do before I can lose reality again.
GLOBAL MADNESS
Broadsheet lies overrun tabloid in cynical mealy vicious pit of self hatred Freud spun into hate hate to anyone not like waspish us And we take it? Humane decent alleged Christian no screamed ignored utterly international illegal by every convention of media spattered murder by propaganda smartarse bomb mayhem Inadequate never pedagogue excuse for education struggles with pointless technology Id trapped precocious violence whilst intricate screen usage is condemned to boredom majority finger only exercised vote Health Fascist lies disturb easy harmless benign smoke loving freedom bunnies with bile filled homogenised insistence on stereotypical banality and human individuality destruction with demands of live longer stupidity of youth consumerism The girl I love I cannot Fighting hatred brother clashes with sentimental mother tug of war morality with me as manic depressive rope Pull tug, pull tug, pull tug I would pariah sudden instinct torn family betray leave everything that I am happily, willingly, lust madness reigning conquering all if, if, if I could possibly trust you First meet you lie To my brother you lie To my friends you lie To my mother you lie To my family you lie Except that night, that night whiskey sodden guilt truth leaks through reality sieve of truth money freed Reality returns to mollified social bigotry puppet in sober realisation of official truth utterly ignoring kind truth I cannot love the girl I love because she believes false truth above my true love.
NO NURSING HOME
Why o why do I cry? Sudden Leaming Heights false humour masks parental worry anguish over everything Mum 2 Dad 2 in the plummet league but Dad ahead in stair difference Pops stricken lain indifferent NHSed to drug quandry spilling nausea dizzy unaware accidantal cruelty rib every move agony infested Pottering diligent mother incense sprinkled upholder of all things good and true, when sober Constant wine wavering concern with slip practice hovers every moment whilst pretence normality camouflage nets immediate vision Days of almost obscenity gutteral response from corpse candidate clutching prescription tumult pill lottery redemption breaking dawning realisation that I am watching my parents dying Does it have to be so tear spoiled, heart toppling, throat spasmed, lip knawed, be shatteredly horrible? Apparently.
LIZ?
Silly ball shouting mockery beckoned Bacchanalian denied sleep indifferent offer of Sunday routine Remnant found fallout early morning try longed shouted husks beer and emotion soaked staggering goodwill fallingly proffered greets the afternoon drinker Glorious ale emotion wracked deepening time elapsed with joining beloved friendship figures fighting Socratic laughed topics of global importance that democratic starved individual held love means nothing Sudden appearance of brunette haloed beautified intellect looking bravely up to me? Panic alcohol subdued proffering patronised advice book, ‘phone number exchange shattering why of initial contact Gallon quaff passed polite hand shaken goodbye to e-mail vague promise to further loneliness dialogue so precious delicate real throttled brevity but sincerity dances through conscious perception and threatens insomnia Suddenly the glorified pop music lap dancers attempting kareoke pall into obvious boredom as logic defying genuine respect filled love appears shiny knight over the unexpected horizon. And I only talked to her for a few minutes.
WHY BOTHER?
Continued jealousy stupid infected brutal silent threat frown obvious ignore physical cloud sulk from much past cosseted helped out of the way exasperation useless sibling sinks soul to torpor One outlandish illegal unreasonable illogical utter selfishness demand too many means patent hatred never said, occasional nothing tirade scream try one’s best pummel into necessary avoidance of fascist level discourse All Munchausen ridiculous self created symphonies of Id crescendo utter demand sympathies dagger point non allegiance, purgatory without deliverance and traitor status because of one ‘no’ Deep souled friend asked, bottle rouge bribed night of sparky bright child unknown condescension lacking scattered time future thought worthwhile spent willingly agreed No bottle reality frown puzzled ‘why’ go then departure happenstances to intellect growing hopeful helpful holistic exchanges before brush face, wipe teeth eventual bed hilarity Early adult return insists self brought wine shared instant moral court condemnation of a man who happily baby-sits for nothing The wage slave consumer victims castigate the knowing poor Amidst cross heaving life angst comes heart shrieked unabandoned joy of absolute unequivocal rugby last second triumph decades Beaumont wished for drawn out days smug smile cheered vicarious sycophant unmitigated delight over pure mind physical achievement More alleged friend let down means still this moon filled small room continues to house unaided writer scribbling for probably nothing in the streaming banal materialistic nothingness comprising literature currently spinning coffin bound luminaries. There is always hope.
Copyright to Juderedmond.co.uk 2008