SMOKE AND FIBBERS

SMOKE AND FIBBERS SMOKE AND FIBBERS It is an unfortunate reality in life that a good idea in theory becomes a good idea in practice about one time in ten. This is something that the current, alleged democratic government of this country, has failed to appreciate. Not only do they insist on forcing through legislation that was, possibly, a good idea, but bad ideas are similarly foisted upon us like a demented child smashing square pegs into round holes. Of all the reams of legislation which the poor Police have had to deal with, the smoking ban has been the most stupid of all. This is neither the time nor place to debate the truth of such concepts as ‘passive smoking’, which does not exist, but the smoking ban has been a disaster even if anyone’s health had benefited. There used to be a spectrum of society, of which I was a part, for whom a couple of spare hours during a day would provide the perfect moment to go to the pub for a pint and a smoke. One could either grab a piece of peace and quiet or talk nonsense with the like-livered fools round the bar. This little pleasure has now gone. What made a pub a pub, as opposed to somewhere terribly clean and restaurant-like, was the atmosphere created by ‘the regulars’, who would congregate around the bar and, generally, laugh a great deal. No longer. Pubs are now either gone or devoid of what used to be cherished around the world. Our American friends have been trying for years to recreate that genuine English pub feel that has now been destroyed. The very soul of the English pub has been torn out with nothing to replace it. For anyone who smokes, a couple of hours to spare is now more likely to mean buying a couple of cans, for a fraction of the price of a pint, and going home for a drink and a smoke. Because of this five pubs a day are going bust in this country. Livelihoods are being thrown away. If you are part of a young family with small children, and you want to go out somewhere, you have a plethora of options. There are cinemas, restaurants, cafes, bowling alleys, parks, any number of ‘children-friendly’ places, and now grotty little pubs. If I want to go out for a pint and a smoke there is nowhere. Yes, the world is not a fair place, but that is just being nasty. There is little in life more annoying than very young children in pubs. What are they doing there? Watching children run around with giggling abandon is a joy, in parks and playgrounds, but not in a pub beer garden. Why does ruining my pleasure increase yours? A few months ago I was enjoying a pint in a beer garden despite someone thinking that it would be a good venue for a children’s party. It was a case of ‘beware low flying ones’. At some point a small one toddled into the pub itself. I said, ‘You’re not allowed in there little one. Out you come.’ The father stormed past me, picked up the interloper, and hissed, ‘Don’t talk to my child like that.’ I apologized through my laughter. There was a recent radio debate around these issues, where the phrase, ‘Health Fascist’ was used to much condemnation, but it is exactly right. The intolerance shown to smokers is pure fascism. We are supposed to live in a free, democratic society, where different opinions are respected. Some people like to live ‘healthy’ lives. Not drinking, not smoking, not taking illegal drugs, eating appropriate foods and regular exercise is a lifestyle choice which is fair enough if you like that sort of thing. You are still going to die though. Who would have thought that Shane McGowan would out-live Kirsty McColl? Living healthily is an opinion, one which not everyone agrees with. Some of us do not frustrate the best times of our lives to elongate the worst. That is our choice and should be respected. There is only one significant difference between people who smoke and those who don’t, including mortality rates, is that smokers don’t mind if you smoke or not. There is a little joke that I have tried in several pubs amongst other places. ‘Excuse me?’ I inquire, ‘Where’s your disabled smoking area please?’ ‘Disabled smoking area?’ ‘That’s right. It’s EU law. Sub-section 42b of the Brussels Protocol, inst of the above, whatever. I need somewhere to sit down to have a drink and smoke out of the rain.’ They look at me for a little while before laughing and saying, ‘If you smoke you’re scum. You can stand outside in the rain with all the other wierdos.’ slightly more politely than that. Everyone agrees that the law should have allowed grotty little pubs the choice of being smoke free or not. The smoking ban is thoughtless, fascist and ignorant. The administration of Gordon and pals has been likened to the Titanic on many occasions and there are an awful lot of transatlantic icebergs around. With the current financial lunacy, our government is now throwing kitchen sinks of money at anything that crops up as they become more and more terrified at the thought of multitudes of unemployed and skint people suddenly, and collectively, realizing what a bunch of useless, incompetent untruthers this government really is, with the smoking ban just one example of their crass stupidity.